Lately I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions. Like everything I am doing is the wrong thing in someway, and I just cant seem to get it right.
I have an intense feeling of guilt for Hailey being in the hospital, every thought from "did I drink to much coffee?" to "why couldn't I suck it up and deal with the pain better" runs through my head a gazillion times a day. and then there is the fact that I had to be away from my Em for almost 3 weeks with just visits, and still now with Hailey being in the hospital she is missing out on her Mom time, I have to spend as much time as I can with Hailey to get her home, which means Em has to spend more time with out me.
so I spend as much time as I can when I am at home with Emma which of course makes me feel guilty for not doing more around the house. Or for not having time to make Steve's lunch or even make dinner. I was put in the hospital just a few days after Christmas and we just moved in before that, so we hadn't even finished unpacking yet, dinning room is still full of boxes, bedrooms are a mess of clothes and our furniture still isn't even in the right spots, where am I going to find time to do everything? Hailey could be home within the week, Steve works full time sometimes not even getting home until 7 and we have to be at the hospital to feed Hailey at 8 o'clock.
This is just scratching the surface.
On the other hand I am so blessed to have everything I have, and the people around me who have been so amazing and supportive through everything.
I cant believe how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life, I mean not many people would have taken Emma down to sick kids for us, its a pretty intense thing, and takes an entire day.
People who took the time out of there day to just come and sit with me, deliver me goodies, look after our daughter. even friends who had us over for a night of video games and relaxing is amazing. How could I ask for more?
Emma is such a little smarty pants these days, she will sit for an hour and have a tea party with her teddy bear, and carry on an entire conversation.
She has pretty much conquered her colors, at times when she is not paying attention she will mix up colors like pink and purple. but she knows them.
When we went to Sick kids last week she decided she was a fairy that day, and everywhere we went she would have to "fly!" which pretty much entails her running as fast as she can (which is pretty adorable to watch with her brace on) and flapping her arms. Waiting rooms to Emma just means there are people sitting around needing to be entertained with song and dance routines.
Hailey, sweet little Hailey, I can not believe how much bigger she feels at only 2 weeks old, she has not put on alot of weight, but she has filled out alot, and doesn't feel so fragile.
she is doing better taking her feeds, we just have a problem keeping her awake long enough, especially breast feeding, it just tuckers the poor girl out!. So we have been bottle feeding her my breast milk a few times a day to give her a bit of a break but still get her strength up. considering she wasn't even suppose to be born yet, she is doing amazing. We just want her home.
With warmer weather will come warmer times! At least that's what I keep telling myself. You're amazing for dealing with all that you do! Keep it up!
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